Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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