Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
