Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
