Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
