my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
