This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
