after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Still dying that you shit outside
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
