Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
