You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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