Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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