Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
