i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
