Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
