I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
