I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
