we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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