Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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