Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize