i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
