what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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