one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
