I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
