If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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