i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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