im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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