Quick, to the slutcave!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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