Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
