This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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