Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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