I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
