I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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