thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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