You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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