if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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