I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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