just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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