he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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