I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
