Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
