So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
