um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize