Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
