When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
