My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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