And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
