I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize