No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
