i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
