New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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