i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
