My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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