I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
