I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
