He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
