I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
