so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
