I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
