Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
