just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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