There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
