If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
