Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
