My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need moral support for this bender
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
