Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
