I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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