does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
